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Quick Tip: Coping with life and death…

A few years ago, over the span of a few months two people who are dear to me made their transition back to nonphysical. They “passed away” as we often say.

It was hard to watch them go down hill over the weeks that I had the privilege of being with each of them until the day they passed.

While we each have our unique Human Design that influences how we experience and interpret what happens to us and around us, there may be some aspects to coping with life (and death) that are perhaps more universal.

As I’ve reflected on these experiences, I realized that there were several things that helped me cope with the whole process… and I thought I’d share them with you with the hope and intention that they may be of help to you, too.  

First, I kept my focus on one day at a time. There was (as there often is) a lot of uncertainty about whether they would “bounce back” or if this really was their last phase, and how long it would last. Walking down the halls of the nursing home every day to visit my spouse’s dad was rather depressing, quite honestly, and the thought of doing that for an unknown length of time was daunting. Only by focusing on one day at a time could I keep that uncertainty from bringing me down.

Second, I was as present to my feelings as I could be in each moment. I didn’t suppress them. But I also didn’t dwell on them. I felt them. Walking into the hospice center a few times a week for several weeks to visit my friend Judy brought back a flood of memories about my mom passing in that very same hospice center 7 years before. I knew I had to allow those feelings so I could keep moving forward. Stuffing the feelings would only cause problems later on.

Third, and this was perhaps the most powerful, I have come to believe over my 60+ years in this life so far that the death process is a good process, and actually a positive experience for the person going through it. It is, I believe, the full re-emergence back into the nonphysical/spirit realm of pure consciousness and pure positive energy.

That belief helped me have no fear for my dying dear ones. Being present for them, with no fear, helped to create a clear and calm space around them for their comfortable passing. And helped me feel clear and calm throughout the process and afterward.

Beliefs are just that… beliefs. Thoughts with no proof. But since we get to choose what we believe, I believe in choosing empowering ones. Ones that help me cope, and help me help others.

Lastly, I was aware of being there for each of them in order to be of service to them. It wasn’t about me. Being there for them, for family, and for friends, helped me stay centered and present… and not tangled up in my own head or emotions.

While certainly not easy, these two experiences were not as difficult as I thought they might be. For that, I am very grateful. As I was grateful for the time I was able to spend with each of them. Life is so precious.

 

2 comments… add one
  • MaryPat Correo October 21, 2015, 2:47 pm

    Thank you Evelyn, I agree with all that you say. I have lived with and dealt well with the transitioning of my parents as elderly adults when I too was a mature adult.

    On the other hand, Dealing with the sudden unexpected death of my 23 year old daughter two years, 4 months ago has been a totally different ball game! In every respect! EVERY ASPECT of LIFE, GOD, you name it!… Love, MaryPat

    • Evelyn October 21, 2015, 3:04 pm

      Thank you for your comment, MaryPat. Yes, losing someone unexpectedly is a very different and much more difficult experience. And to lose a daughter….I can’t imagine how hard that must be. My heart goes out to you.

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